banjalukaforum.com

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman is early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male
students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty
fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass?"

Bush vs Rice

We take you now to the Oval Office...



President George W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see
you. What's happening?


National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice: Sir,
I have the report here about the new leader of China.

Bush: Great. Lay it on me.

Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.

Bush: That's what I want to know.

Rice: That's what I'm telling you.

Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the
new leader of China?

Rice: Yes.

Bush: I mean the fellow's name.

Rice: Hu.

Bush: The guy in China.

Rice: Hu.

Bush: The new leader of China.

Rice: Hu.

Bush: The Chinaman!

Rice: Hu is leading China.

Bush: Now whaddya asking me for?

Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading
China?

Rice: That's the mans name.

Bush: That's who's name?

Rice: Yes.

Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name
of the new leader of China?

Rice: Yes, sir.

Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I
thought he was in the Middle East.

Rice: That's correct.

Bush: Then who is in China?

Rice: Yes, sir!

Bush: Yassir is in China?

Rice: No, sir.

Bush: Then who is?

Rice: Yes, sir.

Bush: Yassir?

Rice: No, sir!

Bush: Look, Rice. I need to know the name of
the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the
phone.

Rice: Kofi?


Bush: No, thanks.

Rice: You want Kofi?

Bush: No.

Rice: You don't want Kofi.

Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could
use a glass of milk.

And then get me the U.N.

Rice: Yes, sir.

Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Rice: Kofi?

Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Rice: And call who?

Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Rice: Hu is the guy in China.

Bush: Will you stay out of China?!

Rice: Yes, sir.

Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get
me the guy at the U.N.

Rice: Kofi.

Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars.
Now get on the phone.

(Rice picks up the phone.)

Rice: Rice, here.

Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg
rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle
East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

_________________
Nemoj se svadjati sa budalom, ljudi cesto nece primjetiti razliku.

In the immigration office:
-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no... male or female?
-Male, female... sometimes camel...

_________________
Nemoj se svadjati sa budalom, ljudi cesto nece primjetiti razliku.

This Kid will go far...

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ?post-it' notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That's why I'm applying.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 ? 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO 50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be ?Do you have a car that runs??

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.