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Learn how to talk Redneck:

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."

RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck
my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck,
that things gonna catch far."

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."

FLARES: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant.
Usage: "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."

DAYUM: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind."
Usage: "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work,
your bahs is gonna far you!"

CENT: Plural of cent.
Usage: "You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it."

BAWL: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
Usage: "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
Usage: "Pa dun had a hot attack." HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Et-lanna, and boy my arms are tarred."

SAAR: The opposite of sweet.
Usage: "These pickles Sure are saar."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

OVAIR: In that direction.
Usage: "Where's yo paw, son?" "He's ovair, suh."

LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson
recently toured the University of Alabama?"

MUCHABLIGE: Thank you.
Usage: "Muchablige for the lift, mister."

IDINIT: Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't.
Usage: "Mighty hot today, idinit?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

SEED - Seen, past tense.
VIEW - Have You?
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"

PHRAISIN: Very cold.
Usage:"Shut that door. It's phraisin in here."

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!

gradio kucu vehabija dosli ljudi pomoc i sve zavrsi kuca extra, taman kad su zavrsili pukne grom u kucu i sve spali do temelja.. na to ce vehabija zeno idi u prodavnicu kupi kutiju cigara i 5 piva i skini to sa glave odmah.. zena zacudjeno pita sta ti je, na to ce vehabija nista me nepitaj donesi pive i skini zar. donijela zena pive i cigare, uzme vehabija cigare otvori zapali sjedne na stolicu ispred kuce otvori pivu pogleda u nebo i kaze JA I TI SMO ZAVRSILI ZA SVA VREMENA!!

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prije rata nismo imali nista ...i onda smo re potukli i uzeli sve jedni drugima.

Znaci, ne vjerujem.

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Eins, zwei, eins, zwei build an empire, very Prussian!
Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens, and you go faster.

I jel iduci dan zaklo krme pa na razanj?

PS nije zlo krme.

Jako k'o Trepča

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Ко не воли ракију, не воли ни људе.

- Tata, tata, jedan dečko iz razreda mi stalno govori da sam peder!

- Odvali mu šamarčinu pizda mu materina nastrana!

- Ne mogu... Tako mi je sladak!!!

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Srednjevekovni naucnik je tvrdio da je zemlja okrugla i da se okrece oko sunca. Za to je cula Sveta Inkvizicija i on beše izveden pred Sud i osuden. Kazna je bila strašna. Odveli su ga do kraja Sveta i gurnuli u ambis.

Pita učiteljica Pericu:
Koliko je pet plus pet?
Perica broji na prste i kaže:
Deset!
Učiteljica vidi da broji na prste, pa kaže:
Ajde sad stavi ruke u džepove i reci koliko je pet plus pet?
A Perica će na to:
Jedanaest!

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- Moj djed ima 50 godina i još može napraviti 50 sklekova! - hvali se Jurica svom društvu.
- A moj i u 70-oj - reče Ivica - još uvijek trči za suknjicama.
- Nije to ništa! - umiješa se Perica - moj se pradjed ženi sljedeće subote. A ima 98 godina.
- Ne seri! U tim godinama da se ženi? - pobunili se Jurica i Ivica.
- Ne bi ni on, doduše, al što ćeš kad je zabrljo.

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Ко не воли ракију, не воли ни људе.

Sreli se Ivan i Goran na autobusnoj stanici. Pita Goran:
- "Pa, Ivane, jesi li se oženio?"
- "Nisam, Gorane!"
- "Pa sta čekaš?"
- "Autobus!"

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Srednjevekovni naucnik je tvrdio da je zemlja okrugla i da se okrece oko sunca. Za to je cula Sveta Inkvizicija i on beše izveden pred Sud i osuden. Kazna je bila strašna. Odveli su ga do kraja Sveta i gurnuli u ambis.

Šta radi narkoman kad promaši venu?

Traži challenge!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk0Pn5j5pTM[/youtube]

Може и овако, да не куцам.
Виц је у питању наравно.

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И само дотле, до тог камена,
До тог бедема...
Ногом ћеш ступит, можда, поганом?
Дрзнеш ли даље?...

Ал' један израз, једну мисао
Чућеш у борбе страшној ломљави
"Отаџбина је ово Србина!..."

To je ovo.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlluWyTT9Gw[/youtube]

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Eins, zwei, eins, zwei build an empire, very Prussian!
Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens, and you go faster.

Ulazi Melisa kod doktora:
- Melisa, reci aaa!
- OOO!

_________________
Eins, zwei, eins, zwei build an empire, very Prussian!
Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens, and you go faster.

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Umjetnost je ono sto neko kaze da je umjetnost!

Skoro sam ga čuo:

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''Srbin Srbinu Srbin est!'' - nepoznati
''MALOGRAĐANIN je oruđe sveopšteg razaranja'' - Konstantin Leontijev
Prezir dolazi kada sve shvatiš!

I onda je Mujo dozivio jos 10 puta laksi srcani udar..

Što dokazuje šta?

_________________
Ко не воли ракију, не воли ни људе.

Plavuša ne bi bila u stanju tako brzo isplanirati svoje želje

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''Srbin Srbinu Srbin est!'' - nepoznati
''MALOGRAĐANIN je oruđe sveopšteg razaranja'' - Konstantin Leontijev
Prezir dolazi kada sve shvatiš!

Ulazi Melisa u zlataru i kaze

-dacete mi jedan loncic

-oprostite, ali, ne drzimo loncice, mi smo zlatara... kakav loncic ba

-zlOtni

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Taktičan Mujo

Pita Mujo Sulju:
- Volis li ti sex u troje?
Suljo:
- Ih, još pitaš! Obožavam!
- Pa trči onda kući!

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