Ask Dr. Zoidberg
A Division of Zoidberg Medical University
http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Alley/9172/
Reader's Questions and Dr. Zoidberg's Answers
1999 (Earth Date, Time-Travel Corrected)
Question: I am a divorced female in my early thirties. I met a wonderful man about a year ago, everything was perfect until we found out we were related. The shock was awful and although it may seem morally wrong to some we decided to keep seeing one another (True Love). According to the law and the bible we are doing nothing wrong. My question is can you find out exactly what would happen if second cousins once removed had a child together? What are the health risks compared to people unrelated in every way?
Answer: Well, although there is a marked increase in banjo playing in first-generation children of closely-related parents, it is with the long-term consequences that medicine is usually more concerned. Several generations of this type of pairing can cause genetically recessive traits to increase in frequency. Traits such as stamp collecting, bird watching, and royalty can become common in a family after only a few generations. In many cultures, second cousins once removed would not even be considered close enough to worry about, and in Mississippi they would be considered complete strangers.
Q: My skin color is changing from a peachy color to a reddish color. This happens every time I go outside. Where I have my new skin color is where my skin hurts. People say it's just a sun burn. I think they're wrong, and I'm really evolving much faster than I should, my skin is just sore from evolution. What do you think?
A: Of course they are wrong! That reddish pigment is caused by your cell's DNA changing from the less-developed human form to a more developed creature, probably an advance crustacean, such as myself. Be happy! As a crustacean, you will enjoy increased intelligence, greater stamina and heightened beauty, which more than makes up for an increased likelihood of becoming salt-dependent.
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