Taoism:
Shit happens
Confucionism:
Confucius says: "Shit happens"
Buddhism:
If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Zen:
Whai is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism:
This shit has happened before
Islam:
If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism:
Let the shit happen to someone else
Catholicism:
If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to us?
Sufism:
The wise man never notices shit happening
Christian Science:
If shit happens, pretend it doesn't really exist
Solipsism:
Shit happens because I wish it
Mysticism:
Just experience shit happening
Asceticism:
If shit happens, renounce it
Agnosticism:
Nobody knows why shit happens
Gnosticism:
I know why shit happens but won't tell you
Atheism:
Shit just happens and that's all there is to it
Cartesianism:
Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
Platonism:
There is ideal shit happening somewhere
Stoicism:
I don't care if shit happens
Epicureanism:
Let's party while shit doesn't happen
Cynicism:
Of course shit happens
Occultism:
Shit materializes from other planes of existence
Terrorism:
Shit will happen unless you do as I say
Pollyanism:
It's so nice that shit happens!
Puritanism:
S** can happen all day as long as you don't call it that
Behaviorism:
You are conditioned to having shit happen
Freudianism:
If shit happens, it's your mother's fault
Parapsychology:
Shit happens without material causes
Surrealism:
Purple shit happens near melting clocks
Cubism:
If shit happens, you won't recognize it
Cultural relativism:
Shit happens everywhere differently
Optimism:
If shit happens, we'll find a way to use it
Pessimism:
If shit happens, there won't be enough for everybody
Tabloid Sensationalism:
Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
Biblical Creationism:
Shit happens because God created it
Secular Humanism:
Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
Scientific Reductionism:
If shit happens, find out what kind exactly
Scientific Obscurantism:
Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases
Bureaucracy:
I don't care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms
Feminism:
Women demand to have shit happen
Ecology:
If organic shit happens, it's OK
Capitalism:
Let's profit from shit happening
Socialism:
If shit happens, let's distribute it equally
Patriotism:
Our shit is better than your shit
Conservatism:
They don't make even shit happen like they used to
Liberalism:
Shit shouldn't happen tomorrow
Classical Physics:
Shit does not 'happen', it just moves around
Quantum Physics #1:
Shit happens but you can't say both where and when
Quantum Physics #2:
Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons
Holistic Physics:
If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once
Microcomputing:
If shit happens, we'll fix it in the next version
Computer Science:
All shit can in principle happen on a Turing Machine
Applied Mathematics:
The probabity of shit happening approaches unity
Engineering:
When shit happens, paint over
Medicine:
If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning
Economics:
Shit happens because there's a geat demand for it
Politics:
If shit happens, make a deal with it
Diplomacy:
Let's pretend shit doesn't happen
