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USA Army https://www.banjalukaforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=3832	Stranica 1 od 1

Autoru:	misk0 [ 13 Feb 2003, 14:26 ]
Tema posta:	USA Army
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE TAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Autoru:	Vader [ 13 Feb 2003, 17:00 ]
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Znate li sta znaci skracenica NASA? NASA - Need Another Seven Astronauts

Autoru:	misk0 [ 22 Jul 2003, 20:14 ]
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A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department. where he gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK, if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:12 ]
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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!" "What do you mean? I'm fine." said the pirate. "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," said the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea, and a cannon ball hit me leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Oh yeah? What about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well, we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes." "One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them dumped a turd in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird droppings!" The pirate said, "It was me first day with the hook."

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:13 ]
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>>> Here's a Riddle for you: >>> >>> Schwartzenegger has a big one; >>> Michael J. Fox has a small one; >>> Madonna doesn't have one; >>> The Pope has one but doesnt use it; >>> Clinton uses his all the time! >>> >>> What is it? >>> >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> ? >>> >>> A last name ....... Were you thinking of something else?

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:14 ]
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THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. The Chief of Police is always black. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective -- or give him 48 hours to finish the job. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:14 ]
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PRISON VS BEING A HOUSEWIFE In prison you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow it so your kids can spread more toys all over it so that you can go out and clean it again because little Jr. can't sleep without his latest lego creation. In prison you get to watch TV, cable even. At home you get to listen to your children fight over the remote control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons thanks to cable. In prison you can read whatever you want and attend college for free. At home you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able to eat for the next twenty years. In prison all your medical care is free. At home you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see you before you die. In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up. At home you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave. In prison you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day. At home you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too, and what the heck is free time again? In prison you get your own personal toilet. At home you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding to know how long till you're done so you can do something for them. In prison the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty clothes. At home you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt isn't clean. In prison they take you everywhere you need to go. At home you take everybody else where they need to go. In prison the guards transport all your personal effects for you and make sure nothing is missing. At home you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar. In prison there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn't. At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:16 ]
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THINGS YOU HAVE TO KNOW 1.A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. 2.The "save" icon on Microsoft Word shows a floppy disk, with the shutte on backwards. 3.The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed." 4.The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate. 5.The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. 6.Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." 7.Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason. 8.Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten. 9.The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat,"which means "the king is dead". 10.Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head." 11.Camel's milk does not curdle. 12.In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. 13.An animal epidemic is called an epizootic. 14.Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants. 15.The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used. 16.Blueberry Jelly Bellies were created especially for Ronald Reagan. 17.All porcupines float in water. 18.Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio. 19.Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom." 20.Cat's urine glows under a blacklight. 21.If you take a raccoon's head to the Henniker, New Hampshire town hall, you are entitled to receive $10.00 from the town. 22.The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. 23.Non-dairy creamer is flammable. 24.The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.) 25.Texas is also the only state that is allowed to fly its state flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. 26.The only nation who's name begins with an "A", but doesn't end in an "A" is Afghanistan. 27.When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror. 28.The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:16 ]
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"Did you know?" Coca-Cola was originally green. Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class - $40,000. City with most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong. State with highest % of people who walk to work: Alaska. % of Africa that is wilderness: 28% % of America that is wilderness: 38% A duck's quack does not echo and no one knows why. Cost of raising a medium size dog to age of 11 : $6400. # of people airborne over US at any time : 61,000. % of American's who have visited DisneyLand/World: 70%. Intelligent people have more copper and zinc in their hair. The youngest pope was 11 years old. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other country. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every Letter in the alphabet and was developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has channels 2 and up, but no channel 1. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio. Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ? The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Hence the name of the Don McLean song.) When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired." Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie. The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for black and whites. The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns. Cat's urine glows under a blacklight. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intraveinously. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies,you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan." In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. The Bible has been translated into Klingon. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California. Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6. Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. On average people fear spiders more than they do death. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. Every time you lick a stamp you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. Did you know that your are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider? Right Handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people. In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. Polar bears are left handed. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds. The flea can jump 350 times its body length, that is like a human jumping the length of a football field. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head before it starves to death. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. Some lions mate over 50 times a day. Butterflies taste with their feet. Starfish haven't got brains.

Autoru:	misk0 [ 01 Avg 2003, 12:17 ]
Tema posta:
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. 10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department. 12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

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