banjalukaforum.com

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

Žena lutajući šumom naleti na žabu. "Oslobodi me", reče žaba " i

ispunit ću ti 3 želje". Žena se nije dugo dvoumila. Oslobodi žabu, na što ova kaza:

"Hvala ti, ali zaboravila sam nešto napomenuti. Sve što poželiš tvoj

mužće dobiti 10 puta toliko." "Nemam ništa protiv", bila je zadovoljna žena.

Njezina prva želja bila je da postane najljepšom ženom na svijetu. "Ali

jesi li ti svjesna", upozori je žaba "da će tvoj mužpostati daleko

najljepši muškarac na svijetu? Pravi Adonis. Sve će ga žene proganjati".

"Nema problema. Pa ja ću biti najljepša žena na svijetu i on će vidjeti

samo mene." I tako žena postade najljepšom na svijetu. Nakon toga

poželi postati najbogatijom. "Ali to će učiniti tvog muža deset puta

bogatijim od tebe". - "To me uopće ne smeta", odgovori žena. "Ono što

je njegovo je i moje. I tako žena postade najbogatijom na svijetu. "A

što je tvoja zadnja želja?", bila je radoznala žaba. -"Želim dobiti LAGANI srčani udar!"



--Pouka pričice je da su žene inteligentne. Nemoj se nikad šaliti sa

njima!











NAPOMENA: Ako si žensko ne čitaj dalje. Za tebe je vic gotov.

Stani ovdje i osjećaj se superiorno



Ako si muškarac odi na dno stranice...























































Čovjek je imao deset puta LAKŠI srčani udar! Pouka pričice je da

žene stvarno misle da su jako inteligentne. Pustimo ih nek tako misle i

uživajmo u spektaklu







P.S. Ako si žensko i još čitaš ovo je dokaz da žene NIKAD NE

SLUŠAJU!!!

He he, sala mala, pozdrav za sve...

Ovaj štos je turbo hiper ultra dizel! Davno sam ga pročitao negdje i odvalio sam se od smijeha. Hvala ti što si ga postavio na forum!

_________________
Mene cuva Bog, zivota mi mog, mene samo sreca prati, ja ne umijem tugovati!
Blago meni, blago meni, zivot mi je kao bajka
jednom u sto godina, takvog rodi majka!
Horoskopski znak, pravi veseljak,
srecna zvjezda vodi mene, volim pjesmu, vino, zene!

oba su EKSTRA

jos malo engleskog humora:


A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and aks the question....

Wife: "What would you do if I died? Would you re-marry?"

Husband: "Definitely not."

Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Of course I do."

Wife: "Then why wouldn't you re-marry?"

Husband: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

Wife: (With a hurt look) "You would?"

Husband: (makes audible groan)

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure. It's a great house."

Wife: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "Probably. It's almost new."

Wife: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

Husband: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

Wife: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

Husband: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

Husband: "No, she's left-handed."

Wife: --silence--

Husband: "Shit"

LOL!
A pazi ovo...malo je offtopic, mislim ima druga tema za ovo, al jbg.

Došlo tročlano Predsjedništvo u novootvoreni zoološki vrt u Sarajevo i naredilo svim životinjama da se pakuju, jer se sele u Tuzlu zbog naredbe Visokog predstavnika Paddya Ashdowna. Životinje se dale u paniku, neće da idu iz glavnog grada. Dogovore se životinje da pošalju lava da pregovara jer je ipak on car. Ode lav, vraća se poslije 15 minuta i kaže:
- "Oni tamo neće ni da čuju."
Na to će lija:
- "Idem ja da probam. Ja sam lukava, možda sredim nešto."
Vraća se lija poslije 20 minuta, sva pokisla i kaže:
- "Ma kakvi, nema ba ništa, neće ni da čuju."
Pojavi se magarac odnekud i kaže:
- "Daj da idem ja da pričam s njima."
A životinje će na to:
- "Ma bježi ba magare, bili i lija i lav pa ništa!"
A magare će na to:
- "Daj da se izredamo svi, bar ćemo produžiti odlazak."
I tako ode prvo magare, nema ga sat vremena, prođe 2 sata, a magare dolazi pijano i vikne:
- "OSTAJEMO OVDE!!!"
- "Pa kako si uspio, magare?"
- "Pa otvorim ja vrata, a tamo sve moji školski drugari!"

Super su svi dosadasnji fazoni.
Proglasavam ovu temu za glavni 'english topic' na ovom forumu.

Let's have some fun.

_________________
There are ways of saying what you think that make people think what you're thinking is actually more thoughtful than you actually think it is.

Evropski kongres transplatologa.

Predstavnik britanskih doktora izvjestava:

Nasli smo covjeka bez kicme, presadili smo mu kicmu i sada, nakon samo jedne sedmice provedene u bolnici, taj covjek se odlicno osjeca , vec je vani i trazi posao.

Predstavnik francuskih doktora izvjestava:

Ah, u Francuskoj smo ucinili mnogo znacajniju stvar! Uzeli smo covjeka koji nije imao jedno plucno krilo, presadili smo mu plucno krilo,i nakon samo tri dana on se odlicno osjeca, vec je vani i trazi posao!

Predstavnik talijanskih doktora izvjestava:

Mi smo uzeli dva pacijenta bez srca, presadili smo svakom od njih polovicu zdravog srca, i nakon samo dva dana obojica se odlicno osjecaju i vec su vani i traze posao.

Predstavnik bosanskohercegovackih doktora izvjestava:

Nas ipak ne moze niko stici. Mi smo uzeli tri covjeka apsolutno bez mozga, postavili smo ih na celo drzave i u rekordnom roku vec je vise od pola stanovnistva vani i trazi posao!

ps. sve osobe koje dobiju ovaj mail imaju civilnu i moralnu duznost da ga posalju dalje na barem deset adresa. Nikad se ne zna ko bi za njih opet mogao glasati...

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

ircerski:
random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz>
<@Lego>
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

evo jos ovaj pa dosta

* Spoon casts Wall of Silence
*** Spoon sets mode: +m
<Goku> why?
<Spoon> Because exo went insane
<Goku> no, he just brought his insanity up to another level
* Sentinel checks..
*** Sentinel sets mode: -m
<exogen> THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE!
*** Sentinel sets mode: +m

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

Nist nisam skonto, al nea veze...

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission, he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day, the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning, the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later, the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery, he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law, asking how such a thing could happen, considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant, when you met her."


-


Billy was at school this morning in class and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He's a policeman but I was just too embarrassed to say."

Finding The Right Guy!
>
> A story of a woman who just turned 47 years old:
>
> When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a
> boyfriend.
>
> When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no
> passion. So I decided I
> needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.
>
> In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too
> emotional. Everything
> was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all
> the time and threatened
> suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.
>
> When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was
> boring. He was totally
> predictable and never got excited about anything.
> Life became so dull that
> I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.
>
> When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I
> couldn't keep up with him.
> He rushed from one thing to another, never settling
> on anything. He did
> mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he
> met. He made me
> miserable as often as happy. He was great fun
> initially and very
> energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find
> a guy with some
> ambition.
>
> When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy
> with his feet planted
> firmly on the ground and married him. He was so
> ambitious that he divorced
> me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my
> best friend.
>
> I am now 47 and am looking for a guy with a big
> dick.
>
>

Ancient Chinese Mystery!
>
> Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One
> named I Cum, and one
> named No Cum. No Cum marry pretty Chinese girl
> named No Cum Tu.
>
> For velly oblious reason No Cum and No Cum Tu not
> have any childlen.
>
> One day, No Cum went out of town on business and I
> Cum came over and spent
> the night with No Cum Tu. That night I Cum came and
> No Cum Tu came, too.
> This make both velly happy.
>
> However, about 7 or 8 months later, No Cum see he
> about to become father
> but he not know how come, so when baby come he named
> it How Cum U Cum.
>
> Of course, I Cum and No Cum Tu know How Cum U Cum
> came, but to this day No
> Cum not know how How Cum U Cum came!


The Cruelest Disease!
>
> One old man was sitting on a park bench talking to a
> new acquaintance.
>
> "I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that
> arthritis is the cruelest
> disease."
>
> "Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked.
>
> "You bet," the first codger replied. "It makes every
> single one of your
> joints stiff, except the right one."

LOL

ovu prvu sam vec citao negdje...

_________________

Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

Secret Messages

After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. MI-6 cabled the White House:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

_________________
There are ways of saying what you think that make people think what you're thinking is actually more thoughtful than you actually think it is.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

_________________
There are ways of saying what you think that make people think what you're thinking is actually more thoughtful than you actually think it is.