Tpojka je napisao:
I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says, "Fancy a shag, Babe?"
I said, "After the football love."
She said, "You do realise that you can record it?"
I said, "Nice, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy finishes".
My girlfriend has just asked me how many women I've shagged.
I said, 'I really dont want to answer that love, you know I've had a past & I don't want to upset you!'
'C'mon', she said, 'I can handle it!'
So I had to sit there and count them all.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12.
My wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem .... she wasn't pleased when I came back and gave her some Slimming Pills.
A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly hurt in a car crash. A few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back!.
So she throws a tampon in his face and says, "There you go you miserable git, I'll pay you back monthly!" And the moral of this story is :- Even if a woman eventually pays back what she owes a man, there will ALWAYS be a string attached!.
I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced 'All the married men out there go and stand by the person who makes your life worth living'. The barman was crushed to death.
My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a c*ck on it.
I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police. They asked me: 'How did you find her body?' I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the rigor mortis had tightened her fanny a bit too much for my liking.'
My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out when finally the door swung open and she said, "Honestly, do I look fat in this ?".
I replied, "Yes love, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".
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